Diary of a Crazy White Woman

My name is Lana. You have been reading some stories about me, and I hope you have enjoyed them. When the author of this book asked to write a few stories, I couldn't imagine that my life was interesting enough. But, she asked me to trust her, and so I have. But, there's one story that I related to her that she wanted me to tell myself. I'm not sure I know much about writing, so I'm making no promises, only that it didn't seem funny to me at the time, but everyone else thought it was. Our friends, Tim and Cindy, have two Vizla dogs.  Neil and I love dogs, and since we live only five miles from them we enjoy going to their home to feed and tend to the Vizlas whenever they need to be out of town for a time. We have done this quite a few times with no trouble and enjoy being available to help our friends. This Thanksgiving  Tim and Cindy had the opportunity to travel to their son's home for the holiday, and so we were glad to help them out again.  Neil wo...

It was a warm and sunny Saturday in north Georgia, and Neil and Lana were lounging in the screen room at the back of their house. They both felt a little guilty because there was always something that needed to be done, but they were really enjoying the weather. Neil was reading a Zane Grey that one of the grandsons had given him, and Lana had her Kindle with her, but she wasn't as interested in the book she had downloaded as she thought she would be. She regretted buying it.  "Tim and Cindy are going to their son's house for Thanksgiving," said Lana. "Okay," answered Neil. He didn't look up from his book, and he knew how that irritated her. "They want us to take care of the dogs," she tried again. "I assumed that would be the arrangement since we always do when they go out of town." He still hadn't looked up from his book.  "Can we talk about this later?" he asked and kept on reading. "I su...

"I can't believe you walked into the men's bathroom," Carol shook her head as she unlocked the door to their dorm room. "I thought you had more brains than to just go into a room without looking at the sign on the door!" Carol said all this with a chuckle. She was actually enjoying this little mistake her friend had made. It was a funny little memory they had made, and they would, in fact, remember it for a long time and laugh about it. Once inside the room, they freshened up and decided to make a trip into the nearest town for lunch at one of the restaurant chains there. The town was thirty minutes both ways, and they were back in their room with plenty of time to take their afternoon naps. With the evening meeting coming up, they showered and changed, and with anticipation, headed out on foot to the meeting hall. It was a stifling hot Georgia evening, but the walk was short, and the exercise was good for them. The air conditioning was on in the big ro...

"I'd like to climb that big tree and trim off some of that moss that's hanging down and take it home." "Come back to earth, Lana," Carol chided her. "We'll buy you some moss at the nursery when we get home." "Oh, it's just not the same as saying I got it in southern Georgia hanging from a tree." Carol shook her head. "First of all, you'd break your neck when you fell out of the tree, and second, you'd never be able to climb it. That is a huge tree." "The two friends had finished a breakfast of Cheerios in their room, and were walking the few hundred yards toward the church building on the campground for the morning message. Each day during camp meeting there were three messages throughout the day. The morning and noon services were good, with good teachers and good gospel music, but the evening service was always the best. Lana loved this part of being in the south. The gospel music was diffe...

Soon after Lana and Neil moved to Georgia they met Carol and her husband Willie at the church they attended. Lana and Carol spent many of their days together delivering gift baskets and going to different warehouses. It soon became a tradition for them to attend their church's camp meetings every year in July. Carol needed to get away for a few days, and Lana was eager to go. Each year they left on Wednesday to travel three hours into south Georgia and stayed until Sunday afternoon.  This year they had loaded up Carol's SUV with coolers of drinks and bags of snacks. They ate their meals at the camp kitchen, or they drove into a nearby town at one of the restaurants there. But, while in their dorm room on the campgrounds, where they were most of the time, they indulged as they liked. There were camp meetings three times a day, but in between the girls stayed in their room. The idea was for rest, especially for Carol. And the best part about being there for Carol was that th...

The guys had lifted Lana's new chair and ottoman out of the back of the van and carried it into the house. She and Nita had lagged behind. Nita wanted to find out some information about how Lana had found the chair, and Lana wanted to take a sneak peek back at the rose bush. She had heard the snap of the wooden stem, and she wanted to see if the rest of the bush was in tact. When Nita looked toward the house Lana quickly swung her head around, saw the poor rose bush crumpled under the van tire, then swung her head back before Nita could take a breath. Lana was devastated, but she would never let them see it. The smile on her face returned when she thought of her new chair. "You didn't find that chair on the internet did you?" Nita began before taking a big breath. "You can never trust those people that sell their stuff on the internet. I'd be afraid they would meet me and rob me, or worse. And I'd never want them to find out where I live. There are a...